Kindness and civility

Kindness and civility are two things that are lacking in our society today yet are desperately needed more than ever.

We can’t expect that we would agree with people around us on all things, but it is important to keep our manners, discipline, and civility.

One thing I learned in my life is that kindness and civility are free and rewarding.  Mary Montagu said: “Civility costs nothing, and buys everything.”

It is important that we rebuild an atmosphere of forgiveness and civility in every aspect of our lives.

In his excellent book about Civility, P.M. Forni said “Civility means much more than being nice to one another. It is complex and includes learning how to connect successfully and living well with others, developing thoughtfulness, and fostering effective self-expression and communication. Civility includes courtesy, politeness, mutual respect, fairness, good manners, and is good for your health.”

Lessons from Jeremy Lin

Jeremy Lin mania swept the US this past year. Recently, I read an article titled “Ten lessons Jeremy Lin can teach us before we go to work Monday morning.”

Some of these lessons were:

Believe in yourself when no one else does.

Seize the opportunity when it comes up.

Find the system that works for your style.

People will love you for being an original, not trying to be someone else.

Stay humble.

Work your buns off.

Jeremy Lin got to start for the Knicks because they had to start him. They had too many injuries.  Lin could have squandered the opportunity and we would have never noticed. But he made the most of it.

You never know when opportunities are going to arise in life. Often, they’re when you least expect them. Make the most of them, and don’t squander them away.

Leadercast

A wonderful trend of fitness has been sweeping across the nation and it is terrific to see so many people caring about their body, improving their health, and reducing the need for some medication.

Caring enough to invest in your body is an admirable trait, and i applaud you if you have chosen to so. Let me encourage you to go one step further and invest in your mind, in personal growth and development.

What enters your mind determines your level of accomplishment, achievement, and success. And these motivational minutes have been my way of filling your mind with good thoughts to help you thrive and achieve.

Now you have a chance to do so for more than just minute—a whole day: we are pleased to be the title sponsor of Chic-fil-a LEADERCAST on May 10 in Champaign.

We will come together in Champaign for a one day leadership event featuring a live broadcast of prominent speakers such as Jack Welch, Condolezza Rice, and John Maxwell. This is great investment in your mind. Join me for that meeting by registering at at http://culeaders.eventbrite.com/ and using the promotional code “habeeb”.  I hope to see you there.

Love and forgiveness

Data shows that many made a New Year’s resolution for this year, and the same data says that many already broke their resolution.

So I have an idea. How about a resolution you can start anytime, and if you drop the ball, you can re-start it again.

How about a new language? And what if this new language is the language of love and forgiveness? And what if you start by forgiving yourself first?

Every hour, and every day is an opportunity for a second chance. Your creator is eager to give you a second chance, and most people are willing to do the same. Now is the time to forgive yourself for past mistakes.

After you’ve done that, it is time to forgive others. People are valuable. They are more important than things or your resentment. Isn’t it time you forgive them the same way you want to be forgiven? It’s time to turn the page and start speaking in the language of love.

I urge you to make a new resolution to day to learn the language of love and forgiveness.

Kindness

Kindness: Is it too rare these days?

Recently, I went to the Post Office, got out of my car and was walking to the door when I saw an old lady walking slowly to the door. I ran up, beat her to the door and opened it for her. She looked up at me and said: “Thank you very much. Are you a Pastor?”

Wow: I was very happy that she was grateful, and at the same time felt saddened that she thinks I am a Pastor. I wondered if we have gotten to a place in this world where only Pastors show acts of kindness.

Her question and your challenge today is a daily reminder that we must show kindness to people every day all the way. Nothing against Pastors, but we can’t leave acts of kindness just to them. We, too, must live it daily.

Start today. People will notice, and you will help make the world a better place.

Hit the reset button

I read an article in Forbes Magazine titled: “Waiting For Something to Happen with Your Company? Hit the Reset Button”.

Ha, what great advice. If it is not working, you might as well do something different: Reset, Reboot, Control-Alt-Delete, Do Something!

The definition of insanity is “doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.” Why not step back and ask hard questions, and hit the reset button if needed.

The same thing applies to our lives: If things are not well, maybe it’s time to try something different. If you’ve been negative, try being positive. If you’ve been a pessimist, try optimism. If you have a problem with anger, try civility.

Gratitude makes you happier

A recent study showed that performing certain tasks can absolutely increase happiness, and gratitude appears to be a key ingredient.

People were asked to write and then deliver a letter of gratitude in person to someone who had been especially kind to them but had never been properly thanked. Other participants were asked to write down three things that went well each day and their causes every night for one week. Others were asked to use one of their top strengths in a new and different way every day for one week.

These three exercises increased happiness and decreased depressive symptoms. Showing gratitude and using our strengths in new ways: That sounds like fun to me.

I posted links to the report on my Habeeb Squared page on Facebook. Read the report, try one or more of the exercises, and then return after you have completed them and let me know how it made you happier.

Happy people

I read an article that said the United States is a nation in decline, and that it slipped from 10th to 12th place in the annual rankings of World’s Happiest Countries.  That’s the first time America has not placed in the top 10.

That should not be.  It is puzzling that despite how blessed this country is, our misery index is high and our happiness index is low.

Perspective is important, so let’s adjust our perspective by discussing happiness:

Life is not about making others happy.  Life is about sharing your happiness with others, and you can’t share it with others if you don’t have it.

A bad attitude is like a flat tire, you can’t get very far until you change it.

Never let a bad day make you feel like you have a bad life.

Tell the negativity committee that meets inside your head to sit down and be quiet.

Happiness is not something you postpone for the future; it is something you design into the present.

So Today is the time to start being happy.

Gossip or concern

Gossip. We all hate it. It happens at home, in families, and at work. And it sucks people’s energies.

At BPC, my colleague Patti frequently tells our employees a parenting incident about gossip. One day one of her children came to her and said: “You won’t believe what my brother did.” She stopped him right there and said: “Are you telling me because you are tattling on him, or because you are concerned for his safety?” He paused for a bit and said: “Concerned for his safety.” So she let him proceed and tell her what his brother did.

Relationships at home, work, or with friends are similar to parenting. There is a fine line between gossip and concern. So do as  Patti did: examine your motives and be careful what you say, be careful what you engage yourself in, and be careful what you allow others to tell you. Be a good influence to your children, to your friends, and co-workers.

Freedom and liberty

In America, we live lives of our own choosing, we worship our own faiths, we speak our minds and communicate on an uncensored internet without living in fear. This July we celebrate our nation’s independence and pay tribute to our armed forces and their families for the great sacrifices for they make in order to protect our freedoms.

This isn’t so for billions of people around the world. Many live in fear, in tyranny, in war, or face religious persecution. I’ve experienced this and I will never take my American liberties for granted. My own parents endured two decades of civil war before they joined me here in America. Upon arrival, they kissed the ground. They have since passed away, but their love and appreciation for America will endure forever

This month, let us reflect on the great gifts we have: of freedom and liberty. May the Lord bless you and keep you and may He bless these United States of America.

Good friends

Good friends are wonderful treasures. Friends lift us up when we are down and help us overcome major hurdles in our lives.

Consider Helen Keller, who was the first deafblind to earn a Bachelor’s of Arts degree. Her teacher, Anne Sullivan, broke through Helen’s isolation of a near complete lack of language, allowing the girl to blossom.

Anne was a true friend to Helen, and Helen said: “Walking with a friend in the dark is better than walking alone in the light.”

A true friend is someone who knows the song in your heart and can sing it back to you when you have forgotten the words.

Are you that true friend to someone? Who are they? Are you rekindling their spirit and singing the words of their song back to them during their time of need? I hope you are. If not, reach out to them today. Maybe one day, someone will do the same for you.

Genie

A genie came out of the bottle one day and looked at the mouse and said “make a wish”, and the mouse said “I wish I was a cat so I’m not eaten.” Poof! He was a cat.

The genie asked the cat to make a wish, the cat said I wish I was a dog so the dog doesn’t eat me.” Poof! It was a dog.

The dog wished he was a wolf so the wolf doesn’t eat him. Poof! he was a wolf.

And the wolf said he wanted to be a bear. And he became a bear. The bear wished he was a man so the man doesn’t shoot him. And the man wished he had hair. The hairy man wished he had curly hair. And finally the genie had enough and said “stop wishing and start living” Enjoy life.

What about you? Are you continually wishing for something and thinking you won’t have a full life until that happens? Stop wishing and start living. Enjoy life. Go to my HabeebSquare page on Facebook and share what makes you feel alive.

Forgiveness is universal

Regardless of what faith one professes, we can all learn from events and celebrations happening around us. Easter is this month and I thought I’d ask: Do you really know the true meaning of Easter? We all enjoy colored eggs, time with family, and that’s all wonderful. But we must also take time to reflect on the true meaning of this celebration.

Good Friday and Easter are a celebration of sacrifice, of grace given by the Creator to ALL humanity. It is about forgiveness and reconciliation.

This poses one of the most important questions in our life: If the Creator extended forgiveness and grace to ALL humans, why are we holding onto our grudges and hurts. Would WE be willing to forgive ourselves AND forgive others?

If it helps, think about times when YOU have been forgiven by someone else for something you have done. It is always great when WE live in harmony with one another even across our differences.

Focus

Focus is the opposite of distraction. Focus helps you win, distraction makes you lose.

Don’t confuse activity with accomplishment.

Dell entered the China market late, and David Chan was named it’s China market president in the late 1990’s. He took Dell’s PC market share in China from zero to 20% within only four years. When asked how he accomplished such a monumental task, he said: “Focus. Every trip I made, every meeting I had, everything I did was laser-focused on that goal.”

David Chan had focus. You too can have focus and succeed in accomplishing your goals.

F-E-A-R

Fear is a four letter word, and someone said that it can have two meanings:

F-E-A-R

Forget Everything And Run

or

Face Everything And Rise

There are so many ways we react to a frightening situation. Whether it be fight or flight or showing character with how you handle fear.

Everyone experiences fear from birth on. A baby is scared to be without its parents, a child is afraid of not being able to make friends, a teen is scared of not being accepted, an adult is afraid of taking a chance, and we all have a fear of the unknown.

One of my favorite sayings is that “Fear shall not be your Master.” And Mark Twain said: “Courage is resistance to fear, the mastery of fear, not the absence of fear.”

Choose to overcome. Choose not to allow fear to master you. Choose to live free from fear.

Perspective

We all know happy and grumpy people. A quick scroll through our Facebook feeds reminds us that no one likes being with the grumpy ones. Want a happier life that draws others in? Try changing your perspective.

Once, a priest saw that a man came daily to confession, and the man always thanked the Lord for a blessing he received that morning. This went on for ten years, nothing other than thanks for a blessing. Finally, the curious priest asked: “For ten years you have given thanks. Do you really receive one blessing every morning?” The man answered “I woke up, that was a blessing, and it is enough for me to make it a great day”.

Change your perspective today and you, too, can be happy.

Ripples

I want you to imagine a calm calm lake. No wind. No waves, and the water’s surface is as smooth as a sheet of glass.

What would happen if I dropped a rock in the water? It would create ripples.
What would happen if you dropped rock in the water. It would create more ripples.
What would happen if our friends dropped rocks… you got it, even more ripples…

Soon there will be ripples all over the pond.

What if these ripples are ripples of good deeds, of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self control. We would fill the town with goodness. We would impact humanity.

What a difference one person can make, especially when joined by others! Join others who are making a ripples by sharing what you did on my Habeeb Squared page on Facebook.

Will you join me in creating ripples of goodness? Start today, do an act of kindness to a friend or to a stranger. Make it your resolution to be a ripple maker.

Selfishness vs. Selflessness

Selfishness or selflessness… which is better?

To make the point, let me ask you: Do you know selfish people, and do you know selfless people? Who do you like more, and who do you prefer to be with?

Stephen Kendrick wrote that most bad actions ever committed can be traced back to selfish motives. Selfishness is a trait we hate in others but justify in ourselves. On the other hand, selflessness is a virtue, and we love seeing it in our service men and women and first-responders.

So how do we overcome our own selfishness? We can start by changing our own mindset and by focusing on doing something for others. By learning to stop judging others and understanding them instead. By looking for ways to help, anticipating their needs and feelings. By developing empathy for other people and allowing ourselves to imagine how they feel, what hurts them or makes them happy. By volunteering our time for a worthy cause. By opening our hearts.

Soar like an eagle

In his book “The Winning Attitude”, John Maxwell states “It’s hard to soar with eagles when you have to live with turkeys”.  Our surroundings control our soaring.

It’s true- we easily change to fit our environment. But the last of human freedoms is the freedom to choose our own attitude no matter what the circumstances. Our attitudes are determined by our thinking and by the people we surround ourselves with. Remember: Turkey-thinking + turkey-talk = turkey-walk. BUT eagle-thinking + eagle-talk lets you soar like an eagle.

Especially in these challenging economic times, we must choose to soar like an eagle in thinking, in our words, and in our outlook on the world. Choose to be around winners who influence their surroundings with their positive behavior.

The golden rule

The world is a stage, and people watch the way we behave. Everyone of our actions is seen by others: by employees, our friends, and most importantly: our children see it.

The Golden rule says to “treat everyone like you want to be treated,” yet it seems that many people have a double standard.

Adults: we are an example to those around us, especially our children. Remember, when our children hear us say bad things behind people’s backs, they start seeing our hypocrisy and unkindness. Then we wonder where our children picked up bad habits.

Resolve today to be the same person in front and behind people’s backs. Resolve to be the same at work, at home,a t church, and in your social circles. Resolve to be the best example of kindness to your children.

And to the young peolple hearing this, resolve today to be kinder at school. Be an encourager and use your words to help your classmates, not hurt them.